I have to be honest the transition to motherhood was a very easy one for me, there was no longing for what I was "missing," no wishing I had done this or done that, and I fully expected our life to change, for the better, but definitely different. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. My oldest friend, Kelly and I even have pictures from when we were about 2 1/2 years old with pretend pregnant bellies. I have always loved babies and children and I love learning about every phase and stage. To me, many things regarding children were simply innate. As soon as I was old enough I attended the Red Cross baby-sitting course and began babysitting for the ladies who lived behind us.
When I was 12 I started babysitting regularly for a family who would become like a 2nd family to me. At the time their eldest was 2 1/2 and their youngest was 8 months old. Two children were added to the fam and this is where I gained my newborn experience. The oldest is now a freshman in college!! I feel so lucky that Janelle had so much faith in my abilities and wonder if I could give a young girl that same chance she gave me to hone my mothering technique.
A great fear of mine was always that I wouldn't get the chance to be a mom, that fear was put to rest officially in July of 2007. I was well into the throws of morning sickness, I had seen the little tadpole on the screen and requested a blood test to measure my hormone levels. (Apparently they were excellent, hence the morning sickness). It didn't become real to me until September when I officially knew it was a little boy, Jameson would be his name. While I had that gut feeling "it" would be a boy I always imagined I would have a girl first, like in my own family. Also, Kevin's side of the family was having a generation of girls, so we assumed it would be a "she." I was in Vienna, Kevin was in the states. When my doctor turned on the screen she made an "ah-ha" sound and I asked: "Is it a boy?"
She told me to slow down she wasn't even close to that part of the ultrasound yet. A few minutes later she would reveal that she was ONE THOUSAND percent certain I was having a boy. Later on in my other ultrasounds they were never able to tell me because of his position.
He was due February 19th and that date came and went as many of you know. We did everything to bring on labor. What eventually worked for me was a couple rounds of accupuncture. After a very long labor beginning Saturday evening, March 1st and finally ending on Monday morning March 3 I finally got to meet my "dream come true." I was officially a mom, and it felt so surreal, like even though I had just gone through this very long labor I was just babysitting. I certainly didn't feel utterly changed. I knew I would die for this little baby, but I didn't really know him yet, I knew I loved him, but I wasn't IN love with him. Considering how long my labor was, I was very surprised he didn't look a lot more beat up. I was fully expecting a flat head and bruises. He had a shock of black hair and an orangey-red squished up face, but from the minute he was born he was VERY alert, all my midwives commented on that fact. He nursed fabulously and has never stopped. He rarely cried and still never does. People spend a week with us and never hear him cry. He was always the happiest of babies. Of all the babies I have babysat he was by far the easiest baby I had ever met. He made my transition very easy. He slept well, nursed well, rarely made a fuss and I fell in love. He grew into an active little guy and my job got a bit more exhausting, but he is so fun its worth the exhaustion!
Kevin and I have sacrificed a bit of our old selves but we both agree that we were ready for it, we wouldn't change it for the world. We certainly don't know what we would do without Jameson in our lives. Each phase Jameson is in is my newest favorite, because I don't realize it gets better and better. As his personality emerges I fall more in love with my son and feel more and more lucky that he is mine. I cannot wait until he is chattering up a storm and I really get to know what is going on in his head.